This is a transcript from a suicide note that I sent to a friend in December of 2007 shortly before OD-ing (I honestly think I may have already been fucked while typing it)...Don't really know why it's goin' on here though (maybe just to preserve it)...so anyway, here it is in its entirety:




-Kellie thinks that I stole some medication (Loritabs and Vicodin) from her medicine stash at the house and that I was retarded enough to try and replace it with some generic muscle relaxers or something. Anyway, I just need to get a few things off of my chest...

...I do not live to take, but give... and I've given all I can... to her...to them... to you...until there's nothing left... I am not nearly enough of substance to be human...you have it all...all that's left...and I'm just dried up and bitter...with nothing left...nothing...

T******, you are not a bad person... I am, though I don't think it's my fault...some people were just born for perdition...or so I've been led to believe...but, honestly, I don't think you're one of those people... you are one of the most sincere and genuine people that I know (not exactly the character traits of "bad" people)...

There is no future beyond that which one creates him/herself...that being said...you are an artist...your life revolves around creation...I, on the other hand, do not posses any of the necessary character faults which allow one to do anything other than destroy...destroy, hmn...

So, I have decided to not have a future...I will not create one...I will however crawl into my dark pit of destruction, close my eyes, and forget to breathe...and when this happens...I want you to tell Kellie that the ground opened up for me because of her...so that her pain will be greater than the sum of all of mine...and will eat her alive...
There are new scars for old wounds and new wounds still festering unclosed...37 more days....


I love you T****** and I'm sorry for everything...I'm sorry that you hate yourself...I'm sorry for how things are going to end...and I'm sorry that you ever got to know me...I never meant to involve you in any of this unnecessary pain and bullshit...

The Lord is still your shepherd...Go with him...

- Erica


"Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition leaving all these opportunities behind.

Feed my will to feel this moment urging me to cross the line."